I remember the first time that I was a caregiver. I was a new teacher in my twenties. My paternal grandmother in her eighties was alone and in need of care. I visited her in between teaching middle schoolers, attending graduate classes and having a social life. I took care of the budgeting, grocery shopping, transportation to doctor’s appointments and hiring of home care. I became her legal guardian. I did the best I could. Often, my heart would sink because I wanted her to be happy, well cared for and to not feel lonely. I felt guilty each time I left her. At times, I considered living with her. However, keeping her in her home was important. She was in the comfort of her own surroundings. This gave me some solace. However, knowing that my grandmother was not fond of a stranger (home care worker) coming into her home did weigh on me.
The second time I took on the role of caregiver was to my spouse. This was a very challenging time. We were blindsided by a sudden and shocking grim diagnosis of third stage myeloma after twelve days of marriage. I had never heard of this cancer. In fact, I never said the word, “cancer.” I referred to it as the c word. Anyway, life changed in the blink of an eye. I kept a positive mindset and belief that everything would be okay. Quickly, my independent spouse became dependent. The strong person I knew became physically weak. The fit, active person became sedentary and bedridden. This was a painful disease that involved many medications, doctor appointments, testing, hospital stays and two surgeries. Watching a loved one suffer and deteriorate before your eyes is difficult. Because this occurred during Covid, family and friends were discouraged from visiting. This isolation did not help. Family and friends showed tremendous support through donations, countless dinners and food deliveries. As a caregiver, I took a leave of absence from my job. I needed to be a full time caregiver. Time, love and care are the best things that you can give a loved one in their time of need.
